Oh my Lanta Y'all!!! I have been gone for a hot minute!!! Honestly, I had no intentions of coming back to this page but something changed today and I felt like I owed it to myself and everyone that has supported me on this crazy life journey. So here I am…..
I want to apologize for stepping away so abrubtly. Honestly, I had to find myself again because this messy beautiful life of mine took me on a journey that I hadn't anticipated. I want to thank a follower for reaching out to me today and asking why I have been MIA- It was that last little push I needed to get back to it.
I started this blogging Journey in 2019 as a way to try and help others in their own messy beautiful lives. I wanted to connect with others that were on similar journeys. I did and it was pretty amazing. Honestly, the outpouring of people in my inbox showed me daily that my words were touching and helping so many. Your words and stories have also helped me along my own journey. My blogs being listed on sites around the world was awe inspiring and honestly I couldn’t believe it. So, I just want to say thank you and I am back 🙂
We all know 2020 was one for the books! In my normal fashion, I just couldn't settle for a pandemic and roll with it. Nope, that's just not my style. So, I decided to one up 2020. On top of trying to virtually teach my children, I moved my dad in to care for him as his health was declining, I asked my husband for a separation, moved into my own home for the first time in my life, lost my job, showed myself that my heart was both capable of loving and breaking still and learned and am continuing to learn more about myself.
Here is the thing. I started this blog in 2019, 2 years after adultery knocked on my front door. I was convinced at that time that I was going to save my marriage no matter what it took. I was convinced that the affairs would not haunt me forever and with God’s grace and some counseling it would get better in time. Maybe that is the case for some people. Maybe it is the journey that will fix a lot of marriages but it wasn't for mine. On Nov. 6, 2020, in the middle of lunch on a normal afternoon, I looked at the man I had been with for 14 years and asked for a divorce.
The last 3 months have been far from easy. As a matter of fact, most days are terrifying…. But, I have discovered so much-
First, I have discovered that you can’t plan your future. God has already determined it- you just have to be willing to listen
The human heart is not capable of healing in a healthy way if you continue to put it in the same environment that broke it. You have to heal it before you are capable of loving yourself or anyone else
There is no shame in trying to fix your marriage but there is also no shame in walking away when it's time.
Having children together is not a reason to stay
If your relationship wasn’t good prior to the affair, odds are no matter how much work you put in it's still going to have the same end result.
It is not fair to anyone in the marriage to “fake it until you make it.” Two hearts are held hostage and life is too short for all that.
It's okay to visit your pain and dissatisfaction from many angles but don't stay stuck there because you are “comfortable” or stuck in the what if’s. Betrayal is complex and sometimes it takes time to digest. Take the time to digest it and be confident in your decision.
Most importantly, Don't ever feel ashamed for changing your path. What feels right at first may well change. It is hard to let go of your hopes, prayers, and dreams once they have been shattered. You may find yourself clinging to the sinking ship but know it is okay to jump because sometimes the vessel just isn't seaworthy anymore.
Be patient with yourself. Allow yourself time to know what your heart needs and to change your mind as often as need be in the process and GIRLFRIEND…., DROWN OUT EVERYONE'S OPINIONS AND DON'T FEEL GUILTY FOR DOING WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU!
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